As a result, I feel restless, numb, excited, tired ... all of these together that I feel like I am about to explode.
It has been exactly two weeks since I saw the movie P.S. I love you. And now that I am able to post this entry, I must admit, I can hardly remember the poignant moments of the movie that stirred my heart or moved me to tears ... or perhaps, it's difficult to write a post about love because there are just way too many dimensions to it.
For those of you who have not seen the movie, here's a plot summary from Wikipedia, so you know roughly what it's about ...
Set in Ireland, Holly Kennedy is beautiful, smart and married to the love of her life--a passionate, funny and impetuous Irishman named Gerry. So when Gerry's life is taken by an illness, it takes the life out of Holly. The only one who can help her is the person who is no longer there. Nobody knows Holly better than Gerry. So it's a good thing he planned ahead.Before he died, Gerry wrote Holly a series of 10 letters that will guide her, not only through her grief but in rediscovering herself. The messages are Gerry's way of informing Holly life goes on. The messages include various tasks and treats Gerry has left for Holly. This is his way of letting her know he will always be there for her.
In the months that follow, more letters from Gerry are delivered in surprising ways, each sending her on a new adventure and each signing off in the same way: "P.S. I Love You." Holly's mother and best friends, Sharon and Denise, begin to worry that Gerry's letters are keeping Holly tied to the past, but, in fact, each letter is pushing her further into a new future.
With Gerry's words as her guide, Holly embarks on a journey of rediscovery in a story about marriage, friendship and how a love so strong can turn the finality of death into new beginning for life.
Seeing the movie was an experience in itself. Going through what would take place in the ensuing weeks has made my jaw drop over and over again.
I am a total wreck and yet not a wreck at all ... it's a season of contradictions. While I see and understand, I also sense a burgeoning vision of great expanse that I am humbly aware that I actually don't see clearly and don't understand fully ... sigh ... I know, I am sounding like a raving lunatic. When will I ever be almost all-knowing ... ? No, no, I am totally bursting with energy, yet I am tired. I want to speak, yet I am silenced.
I will admit that this post is not going to fully articulate the depth of love that I saw between a man and his wife, or the thoughts and emotions that awakened in me that evening because the story has gone from television screen to real-life incidences, many of which I am still grappling to fully understand in the midst of uncertainties.
The movie paved the way - mentally and emotionally - for the events that would take place that Labor Day weekend. The story of broken dreams, of suffering and of despair. Of honesty and transparency giving way to new life, new hope, and new vision. It is the story of learning to love more deeply and let go more quickly.
My thoughts are still racing. Along with it the restless spirit that seeks to burst forth. Into what exactly, I don't fully know. The emotions are raw. They contemplate vulnerability and wonder if baring all would indeed be embraced by cushions of love.
Oh God, have your way in my heart, in my life.
Unravel the bandages that sought to protect the wounded heart once upon a time.
That now, inhibits the heart of great passion, love and desire
That blurs the vision yearning for more to life than this
Oh restless spirit, rest not from your duty
But find rest in doing that which he bids you to do
Break forth into the greater realms of unwritten dreams
Like his when first he created our world
Let me see your vision, dream your dreams
And paint them across the wide canvas of limitless skies
Thy kingdom come. Not my will, but yours be done.
P.S. I Love You, too.
