It has been awhile ... a long while of seeking God and trying to make sense of things.
This I know, my God is with me and he is for me. I am on the right track. Though there are bumpy roads ahead, there is no better journey to be on than the one he has called me to.
A life of unpredictable human interactions, of self-awareness, and the constant reminders to walk in humility. The daily choices of living by faith and in obedience to his call, purpose and ways.
There are no two ways about it. No compromise can and should be given. It is really His way or the highway for me ... that's what I would like it to be ... for me at least. To live a life of abandonment for him purposes.
Now that I have acknowledged this desire, I wonder what that would really mean in my world. So far, it has felt like I am in this world but not of this world. As in, it hasn't been all that comfortable at all.
Church camp last weekend was nothing unusual. The times when we spend so much time getting to know one another, playing games and letting our hair down by sportingly dressing up in a movie character was all good.
But the true gem of such getaways is really in the divine appointment and encounter with the living God.
I went for the "Oscar's Night" as Miranda Priestly, the editor of Runway magazine from the movie "The Devil Wears Prada." Decked in branded clothing, accessories, 3-inch heels, and of course, the several thousand dollar handbag!
It felt right to a certain extent ... the professional life I have lived can be full of pretenses. In reality, it has also been sprinkled with many divine appointments. But have I been living a life of passion for him? Or was it for my career and job?
I am never 100 percent certain that it has always been for him.
I have a long way to go on this journey I began 22 years ago, and there's no turning back. At least, I don't want to turn back. Neither do I want another path, another journey.
I know it is about my heart. Does he hold the key to my heart or is the key still in my hand?
It's really about lives, isn't it? All the preparations. All the blessings. It's really about the life I live and what I leave behind, isn't it? Whether I have touched people's hearts and lives, giving other's the benefit of doubt, and bestowing acts of kindness to those whom I am fortunate to cross paths with.
The fresh encounter with God. And that song - that mystical that played in the background.
The breath of God infused into my being, drenching every part of me with his sweet, yet powerful presence. Like an electric shock, the cells in my body jumped, twitched and began to move in ways I could not quite control.
The dance began to flow, as fresh waters out of the wellspring of life. Suddenly, my surroundings were permeated with his heavy presence, his glory. I was summoned. Compelled to respond to him, my fingers twitched. The energy flowed through my arms, my body, my toes, my feet ... all of me stretched towards the heavens.
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One week later, I am reading the Song of Solomon. I have read this before, but this time, I read his words with fresh understanding and a stirring in my heart.
The anointing from the encounter with God had lingered and I knew it all too well, when in my private chambers.
These words, they jumped out at me. It was my heart crying out to him ... Set me as a seal upon your heart, as a seal upon your arm, for love is strong as death, jealousy is fierce as the grave. Its flashes are flashes of fire, the very flame of the Lord. Many waters cannot quench love, neither can floods drown it.
Little did I know that these were the very words that came through the boom box while I was at camp, creating an atmosphere of worship, and inviting the Holy Spirit to fill the hearts of those surrendered to him. The words that seeped through my heart and soul just a week before continues to keep the fire burning within ... until we become one.
God is definitely at work!
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