Fresh Encounters

I continue to swirl in his presence, in this world. Surreal. While feeling like I am on Cloud 9, I am conscious of both my feet firmly planted on the ground.

It has been awhile ... a long while of seeking God and trying to make sense of things.

This I know, my God is with me and he is for me. I am on the right track. Though there are bumpy roads ahead, there is no better journey to be on than the one he has called me to.

A life of unpredictable human interactions, of self-awareness, and the constant reminders to walk in humility. The daily choices of living by faith and in obedience to his call, purpose and ways.

There are no two ways about it. No compromise can and should be given. It is really His way or the highway for me ... that's what I would like it to be ... for me at least. To live a life of abandonment for him purposes.

Now that I have acknowledged this desire, I wonder what that would really mean in my world. So far, it has felt like I am in this world but not of this world. As in, it hasn't been all that comfortable at all.

Church camp last weekend was nothing unusual. The times when we spend so much time getting to know one another, playing games and letting our hair down by sportingly dressing up in a movie character was all good.

But the true gem of such getaways is really in the divine appointment and encounter with the living God.

I went for the "Oscar's Night" as Miranda Priestly, the editor of Runway magazine from the movie "The Devil Wears Prada." Decked in branded clothing, accessories, 3-inch heels, and of course, the several thousand dollar handbag!

It felt right to a certain extent ... the professional life I have lived can be full of pretenses. In reality, it has also been sprinkled with many divine appointments. But have I been living a life of passion for him? Or was it for my career and job?

I am never 100 percent certain that it has always been for him.

I have a long way to go on this journey I began 22 years ago, and there's no turning back. At least, I don't want to turn back. Neither do I want another path, another journey.

I know it is about my heart. Does he hold the key to my heart or is the key still in my hand?

It's really about lives, isn't it? All the preparations. All the blessings. It's really about the life I live and what I leave behind, isn't it? Whether I have touched people's hearts and lives, giving other's the benefit of doubt, and bestowing acts of kindness to those whom I am fortunate to cross paths with.

The fresh encounter with God. And that song - that mystical that played in the background.

The breath of God infused into my being, drenching every part of me with his sweet, yet powerful presence. Like an electric shock, the cells in my body jumped, twitched and began to move in ways I could not quite control.

The dance began to flow, as fresh waters out of the wellspring of life. Suddenly, my surroundings were permeated with his heavy presence, his glory. I was summoned. Compelled to respond to him, my fingers twitched. The energy flowed through my arms, my body, my toes, my feet ... all of me stretched towards the heavens.

***************

One week later, I am reading the Song of Solomon. I have read this before, but this time, I read his words with fresh understanding and a stirring in my heart.

The anointing from the encounter with God had lingered and I knew it all too well, when in my private chambers.

These words, they jumped out at me. It was my heart crying out to him ... Set me as a seal upon your heart, as a seal upon your arm, for love is strong as death, jealousy is fierce as the grave. Its flashes are flashes of fire, the very flame of the Lord. Many waters cannot quench love, neither can floods drown it. 


Little did I know that these were the very words that came through the boom box while I was at camp, creating an atmosphere of worship, and inviting the Holy Spirit to fill the hearts of those surrendered to him. The words that seeped through my heart and soul just a week before continues to keep the fire burning within ... until we become one.

God is definitely at work!

I BELIEVE... in magic - the good kind, of course!

"Make me a child ... so I can believe once again!" I cried.

God has a great way of answering prayers. Just last week, I was pondering what it was like to be a child again. Having the child-like faith to believe in the things that are larger than life, things that seem impossible to achieve with one's natural efforts. Having the courage to believe that there was more to life than this ...

While juggling homework, thinking about work and life over the Chinese New Year holidays, I must confess it wasn't all hard work ... really. I had many moments of vegging in front of the telly.

Tonight, I found myself mesmerized with Star Movies' after-dinner program "Mr Magorium's Wonder Emporium". It was exactly what I needed to see and hear ... and have the courage to believe once again.

The story is about Mr Magorium (Dustin Hoffman), a 243-year old eccentric toy inventor who built a magical toy store called "Mr Magorium's Wonder Emporium," where magic makes everything come alive. Wonders never cease at his store and children spend all day playing and letting their imaginations run wild.

And when Mr Magorium decides that it was time to leave the world for good, he entrusts the store to his manager Molly Mahoney (Natalie Portman). He employs an accountant Henry Weston (Jason Bateman) whom he calls "Mutant" to valuate the store and get the necessary paper work for the transfer of ownership.

Henry, the stuffy accountant, does not believe in magic. But of course!

Meanwhile, Molly is devastated with the news because she doesn't believe she can run the store. After all she was just a girl who aspired to be a pianist but ended up working in a toy store all these years.

The "magical" store, too, is upset that Mr. Magorium is leaving and throws a fit. The store deteriorates in appearance and the toys loose their sparkle.

Before departing, Mr Magorium encourages Molly, "Life is an occasion. Rise to it!"

Mr Magorium dies (as all good things eventually comes to an end), the magic leaves with him. Upon seeing the dull interiors of the store, Molly looses all hope and seeks to sell the store.

Nine-year-old Eric, a store helper and one who has befriended Henry the Mutant encourages Molly to keep the store and run it. "It's not so bad. It just needs a bit more magic!" he says.

The Mutant who has since experienced a bit of magic after seeing the "Congreve block" (a wooden cube) move and whizzed around the store finally believes. He, too, encourages Molly to keep the store. He believes she can run the store.

"You can make it to be anything you want it to be," Henry tells Molly.

Don't you see, you are like that block of wood (the Congreve block). "What you need to believe in is not ... the store, or me. What you need to believe in is you."

Suddenly, Molly sparkles. She believes and the sparkle that reflects the greater things in life comes forth. Magic fills the store once again and everything comes alive, and the next chapter begins.

As a reviewer aptly puts, "... the truth is, there's nothing wrong with following our hearts as long as we lend our brains and our souls to the proposition, too. God created in each one of us talent, passion and drive to do ... something.

"Throughout most of this story, Mahoney closes her ears to that calling. And the music doesn't soar until she opens them. She's not escaping responsibility or relationships. She's finally embracing them.

"I believe God made me for a purpose, but he also made me fast," Eric Liddell says in Chariots of Fire. "And when I run I feel His pleasure."

"We are God's creatures, and each of us carry a sparkle - something greater than ourselves trying to get out. And believing in yourself enough (being courageous enough) to make that happen, well, that's a great thing indeed."

And what of the next chapter that is about to unfold?

I will take Mr Magorium's advice.

I will turn the page. "Continue reading. And let the next story begin."

I will be like a child and believe ... that there is truly more to life than this!

Go catch the movie on Astro's Star Movies. Be like a child again. And believe!

Make me a child ...

After several long days in Bangkok with work life mirroring the hustle and bustle of traffic on Rama IV, I was all ready to go home.

Before packing up, I did the usual glance through of Facebook.

A friend commented that there was no grey hair in sight when viewing my profile pictures. Yes, I thought, just like the typical Asian, I must be blessed with a youthful look ... and that got me thinking while I was in the cab on the way to the airport.

I have been doing so much reading on different topics from newspapers articles, textbooks, the Bible to the book titled "Blink" ... I don't think I have ever read up on so many different topics all within a short span of time.

The end result: Everythings seems a blurr and nothing of great value has yet to pop up ... and all that grey on pages and pages of material is truly giving me a headache!

Oh, that I would be like a child once again, taking time to smell the roses, enjoy the ocean's fresh air and soaking in the healthy morning sun ... and perhaps, all that information and knowledge will slowly settle and form a clearer vision.

I was reminded of this song that we used to sing over and over again as we sought with passionate hearts to worship our God and Creator amidst humble surroundings.

Today, I sing it again with heartfelt thanks that somewhere out there, somehow, my Father in Heaven is just waiting around the corner to surprise me with good gifts and great adventures ... that keep me excited with live and living.

Intimacy Song by Jonathan Daniels

Make me a child in my faith
Make me a child in my love for you
Hold me now, in your arms
As I open my world to you
The secret place of my heart
This is my song of love ...

I need you more than the ocean needs the shore Father
I love you more than the sunshine you bring
I love to tell you just how wonderful you are, Jesus
I see your beauty everywhere I look ...

There is no song to sing it
There is no dance to dance it
The way that I feel
This is my song of love ...

And I am certain there's more lyrics to this but I was not able to find the song on the internet and so, if any of you have this, do send it my way so others can benefit from this beautiful song to a deserving God and Creator of the Universe.

... a key to finding that pearl of great price must be in having a child-like faith to pursue God and the things that occupies His heart.

The turning point

Thanksgiving was a turning point. While still in Shanghai, we each took turns around the table to offer a prayer of thanks to God for the one or two things that we were thankful for in this past year as tradition dictates.

Having given thanks for my family, friends, new classmates and new adventures, I returned to my room that evening only to be greeted by the still small voice that whispered in my heart, "Would you still thank me if you didn't have all these people or the adventures in your life?"

My heart lept.

I had slipped slided away from the One who made all the difference in my life ... unknowingly in the midst of busyness, while continuing in the fellowship of the saints, and yet drifting further and further away with each assignment.

Oh God, I pray that my heart would be fully contented with you and you alone
That the very reason I should be thankful today and everyday of my life is because of you
It is not about the gifts, nor the adventures, nor the people (although I do thank you for everyone of them!)
But it is about you, and who you are.

You've given me life that I may live
Through the valleys, where tears are shed
I learn the most I grow up fast
And my character made strong
Through the peaks, where I marvel at your creation
And easily offer thanksgiving and open worship
Where the world is my oyster

But through it all, it is because of the life I now have in you
That I am able to see, through ups and downs
Your hand working in and through my life
It's all about you and because of you
I am thankful for you.

I look forward to the Christmas holidays, where I will be able to spend time re-kindling my friendship with God.

The Young and the Restless

The title suggests one single person having youthfulness and restless energy. It can also describe two separate individuals - one who is young in age with little experience in life, and another who is restless and seeking to experience more of life.

In the course of more than a decade of professional work in the marketplace and having stuck through the good and bad times, my younger friends check in with me from time to time, seeking for some perspectives on their thoughts and struggles regarding their challenging situations.

Just the other day, I came across this quote and it made me think about the various conversations I have had with my friends ...

The error of youth is to believe that intelligence is a substitute for experience,

while the error of age is to believe that experience is a substitute for intelligence.

Many of these young professionals are incredibly bright and exhibit great thinking abilities. Many of them are also restless and gripe about why they are not moving up the ranks fast enough. Many seem to have the right skills and deliver well at their level but somehow don't seem to be moving up as fast as they had envisioned.

I don't have all the answers really, but in my years of work with multinational companies - both with foreign and local management, small to larger groups of employees, I have come to realize a few things ...

Sometimes, it's not about what you can or cannot do (the hard skills) rather it's about the values, attitude and behavior (the soft skills). The latter is very difficult to learn - it all depends on whether you have a teachable heart, and it becomes more difficult for the proud or older ones who think they have seen it all and done it all to learn/possess. It's not something you pick up from a textbook. Some might say, it can't be taught, it can only be caught (when you spend enough time with that parent, teacher, or mentor.)

In other instances, it may be who you know. Being at the right place at the right time and with the right people is important. It's about being discovered by the people who need your skills and are able to appreciate the value you can bring to the table.

The downside of completely relying on who you know and not allowing yourself time to acquire knowledge and build the right skills is that you may not be selected based on merit. This can cause many side effects such as being promoted to one's incompetence, losing the respect of your colleagues and associates, not being taken seriously for your work, or possibly be the subject of bad gossip.

Yet other times, it may be that there just isn't a business reason for the promotion. And of course, what we all would not want to hear is "you are just not ready for the next level." Sometimes, that can be true; while other times, you will wonder ... do keep wondering and perhaps, it really may mean that it's time to move on, especially if you do not feel you can grow within the same scope of work and in the same company.

What I do know is that each individual is called to different things and grows at different paces/times. Some people have growth spurts while others take time to blossom. Some may get it right the first time (luck maybe) but others may be called to take the path less travelled - to master the basics (mind you, this will take many, many years of life!) so they can think outside the box and be great innovators.

To master the rules, one has to "stick it out" for as long as it takes. Such would be the times to grow in character and maturity. Think of it this way, a very tall building ought to have an equally deep foundation; otherwise it would not stand. Without the depth of character that comes from persevering through time, one would at worse be a miserable creepy crawler (I am sure this has another name but I can't recall at this time!) - shooting up fast by relying on support from more sturdy branches or structures for that short period of time. Without others, they would never stand because they have not stood the test of time and allowed deep roots and strong foundations to be built into their lives.

Therefore, determine this day what kind of professional you will be ... one who aspires to become a very tall building (with deep foundations) that will withstand the test of time or the creepy crawler ... likened to buildings made of sand (a dime a dozen perhaps) that would dissipate and blow away into oblivion with the winds of change?

Having thought through this time and time again, a few questions have helped me work things out within myself and come to terms with current situations:

1. Am I growing in knowledge, skills, and character (and faith) through this experience

2. Am I at the place where I need to be for the grander scheme of things (this is usually my question to God - am I where I need to be and mutually benefiting from relationships in your grand plans?)

3. And finally, if I am still restless about the current situation and cannot find an acceptable resolution, then it really may be a good idea to explore other options that would seek to meet those needs (preferably, in a prayerful manner for those who are in faith).

Whatever those options may present themselves to be, consider that while they may look good in the short run, they can possibly set you back a few years in the long run ... so choose wisely.

In parting, here's a nice quote:

Unless you try to do something beyond what you have already mastered,

you will never grow

- Ralph Waldo Emerson

What I take this to mean is don't be jaded with the current situation. Determine to get out of your boredom. Challenge yourself to see a different perspective. Seek to create a different approach to the current work or situation. And make the best of your situation ... or at least as long as you are there.

And if all else fails, yes, we hope that the One up there also agrees with us that it's absolutely time to move on to another area of expertise or another work environment all together.

As this is not a post about me having all the answers (as I certainly don't), I welcome feedback on other thoughts and advice that may help me (and perhaps others) think through the situations, as opposed to reacting to the instability of emotions or dire needs waiting to be met!

Go FIGURE!

On to the third week since I returned from the first residential segment of my studies, I find myself sleeping well again and no longer suffering the effects of jet lag eventhough I was only a hop, skip and a throw away in Singapore.

Last week, the 10kg FedEx box arrived at my home. I gulped, realizing the next three courses' reading materials have arrived, and I was still procrastinating on the final post-module assignment for Economics. When I opened up the box, I found two very thick textbooks on Financial Accounting and Statistical Analysis. I swallowed hard. I got to the bottom of the box, and out came a third file, thankfully half the thickness of the first two on Marketing Management ... a sigh of relief ... but oh, the nervous energy is welling up once again.

Within this season of new adventures lies many hurdles I need to overcome. Among them, the fear of figures.

***************************************

Dinner was a pleasant evening with the usual family chats at a quiet coffee shop in our neighborhood. I enjoyed the conversations and laughter with Mom and Dad. Among the topics discussed was my seeming fear of numbers and having to understand them.

Dad jokes.

In a coffee session with his equally successful friends, a Partner of an accounting firm said he enjoyed observing his employees.

They would come to work in the morning
Sit down, take out the figures and undress them
They would look at figures and even stare at them
And eventually go to sleep with the figures.

What an interesting way of making a usually boring profession exciting. I hope I would be able to see Financial Accounting and Statistical Analysis the same way. These courses, of course, exuberate such opposite energies from the dynamic movement, colors, and sounds that I have grown up with at the ballet school, the creative arts education, or the everyday vibrance of a PR/Marketer's life.

Contrary to how accountants view figures, my thoughts are quite the opposite at this point in time as I think about the preparation required for the next session of suffering (oops, I meant "studying"!)

LOS ANGELES, You are not only thousands of miles away
It would take me a whole day and more just to be with you
I am to climb many mountains, endure numerous valleys
Soar the skies, cross the oceans just to be with you.

If that were not enough, it would take all that I've got
All my money, every waking hour, every drop of life
Just to figure out the figures
Before I cross the oceans to be with you, Los Angeles

You did say "I will never leave you or abandon you"
So tell me then, where are you - disguised as the chartered accountant
To help me figure out the figures?
Before I cross the oceans to be with her, Los Angeles.

P.S. I Love You

A friend and I were chatting about my most recent blog entry and asked whatever happened to the post about the second movie. I must admit so much has happened since I posted the last entry that I can hardly process my thoughts and emotions fast enough, let alone put them on paper (or rather on the net).

As a result, I feel restless, numb, excited, tired ... all of these together that I feel like I am about to explode.

It has been exactly two weeks since I saw the movie P.S. I love you. And now that I am able to post this entry, I must admit, I can hardly remember the poignant moments of the movie that stirred my heart or moved me to tears ... or perhaps, it's difficult to write a post about love because there are just way too many dimensions to it.

For those of you who have not seen the movie, here's a plot summary from Wikipedia, so you know roughly what it's about ...

Set in Ireland, Holly Kennedy is beautiful, smart and married to the love of her life--a passionate, funny and impetuous Irishman named Gerry. So when Gerry's life is taken by an illness, it takes the life out of Holly. The only one who can help her is the person who is no longer there. Nobody knows Holly better than Gerry. So it's a good thing he planned ahead.

Before he died, Gerry wrote Holly a series of 10 letters that will guide her, not only through her grief but in rediscovering herself. The messages are Gerry's way of informing Holly life goes on. The messages include various tasks and treats Gerry has left for Holly. This is his way of letting her know he will always be there for her.

In the months that follow, more letters from Gerry are delivered in surprising ways, each sending her on a new adventure and each signing off in the same way: "P.S. I Love You." Holly's mother and best friends, Sharon and Denise, begin to worry that Gerry's letters are keeping Holly tied to the past, but, in fact, each letter is pushing her further into a new future.

With Gerry's words as her guide, Holly embarks on a journey of rediscovery in a story about marriage, friendship and how a love so strong can turn the finality of death into new beginning for life.

Seeing the movie was an experience in itself. Going through what would take place in the ensuing weeks has made my jaw drop over and over again.

I am a total wreck and yet not a wreck at all ... it's a season of contradictions. While I see and understand, I also sense a burgeoning vision of great expanse that I am humbly aware that I actually don't see clearly and don't understand fully ... sigh ... I know, I am sounding like a raving lunatic. When will I ever be almost all-knowing ... ? No, no, I am totally bursting with energy, yet I am tired. I want to speak, yet I am silenced.

I will admit that this post is not going to fully articulate the depth of love that I saw between a man and his wife, or the thoughts and emotions that awakened in me that evening because the story has gone from television screen to real-life incidences, many of which I am still grappling to fully understand in the midst of uncertainties.

The movie paved the way - mentally and emotionally - for the events that would take place that Labor Day weekend. The story of broken dreams, of suffering and of despair. Of honesty and transparency giving way to new life, new hope, and new vision. It is the story of learning to love more deeply and let go more quickly.

My thoughts are still racing. Along with it the restless spirit that seeks to burst forth. Into what exactly, I don't fully know. The emotions are raw. They contemplate vulnerability and wonder if baring all would indeed be embraced by cushions of love.

Oh God, have your way in my heart, in my life.
Unravel the bandages that sought to protect the wounded heart once upon a time.
That now, inhibits the heart of great passion, love and desire
That blurs the vision yearning for more to life than this

Oh restless spirit, rest not from your duty
But find rest in doing that which he bids you to do
Break forth into the greater realms of unwritten dreams
Like his when first he created our world

Let me see your vision, dream your dreams
And paint them across the wide canvas of limitless skies
Thy kingdom come. Not my will, but yours be done.
P.S. I Love You, too.